it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
