did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
