he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
