I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
