Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
