I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
