Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
