I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize