I puked a lego.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
