i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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