Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My pussy is not your playground.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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