why im i the only drunk person in the library?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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