This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
