I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
