Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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