great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
