Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
