I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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