also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
