idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
