I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
