The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
