i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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