taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
