god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
