Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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