yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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