So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
