I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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