What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
