i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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