i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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