There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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