i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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