he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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