Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
