Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i think i just lost a toe
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
