you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
