thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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