saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we should paint friendship bongs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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