so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
