Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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