Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
