you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
