Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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