meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
