I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
