just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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