Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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