WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You left your phone here
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