There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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