what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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