Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
