just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
