remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
