My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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