How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
