i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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