I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
