he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What drink are we having for lunch?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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