I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
