Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
