I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
