just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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