She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
