I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
