remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he thought i was a dude.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
