I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
