Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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