I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
