Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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