How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i now understand why vodka
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
