i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
