If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
