Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
