My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
