Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
