we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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