Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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