My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
