Even the bartender felt bad for me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
