i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
