mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
